Are dreams something we can live without? Why do we have them? These kinds of thoughts raced through my mind while sitting by the bay window in my room and going through the scrapbook I had made the other day. These very thoughts had been bothering me for quite some time to be honest. Ever since I could stand on my two feet I remember being drawn by the captivating nature of the volcanoes. I saw a National Geographic episode with my dad about them and that was it. No one believed my interest would stick for so long, but now – 19 years later, I’m to become a great geologist or I believe so. This was the only dream I wouldn’t give up for anything.

Over the years my life has been the definition of normal. I went to school, fell in love, got into fights with my friends. I didn’t miss anything basic and lived up to the standards of the society. Even though just a handful of people understood that, we lived in a precisely made-up system. The so-called Ritfulls’ work was to root out every sign of difference and rebellion in humans’ souls. All of us were about to follow the same pattern – you study, work, marry and die. Except that the educational system was a wreck – we could learn what they wanted us to. The careers were determined by the necessity to make a living. When the time for marriage came, the Society would discuss and decide who would be your match for the next couple of decades.

My point was that we all had to keep our secrets and interests deep down so the Ritfulls wouldn’t try to destroy them. So that’s how my passion for the magical volcanoes was buried for many years. Now, when I’m almost 26, the Ritfulls weakened their influence. All people’s deepest desires started fighting their way through until they have reached the surface.

I’ve had a husband for 2 years now. However, with everything happening around me, I started doubting him. To put it simply, I started doubting myself. “Do you even love him?” was a question that plagued my head. Part of me wanted to believe I did. So I let that part win. The definitions of reality and utopia were already mixed in my mind.

I started experiencing strange emotional outbursts. I guess the burden I carried during all those years was finally showing its effect on the outside. People were worried about me, but no one lifted a finger to help me when I screamed silently. At one point the worst place I could be was my head. My dreams kept becoming more and more disturbing. Maybe I was going insane.

The only constant in my life, the only thing I knew I loved, were those products of nature. I caught up for the last years of researching and learning all about them. But that wasn’t enough to quench my thirst. That’s how the idea came up in my mind – I had to visit the volcano Etna in Sicily, which I found quite fascinating.

So I got to work – I organized a trip with my spouse to Italy. He was happy, because of the thought of me getting better. And I would get better, I knew that. I just didn’t think he would be thrilled with my way of handling things. The volcano erupted once in every 30 years. According to my calculations this was the right time and I wanted to witness it.

One of the days, after fighting with my so-called other half, I went for a walk to cool down after the argument. I headed straight to the volcano – why not put my energy to use? The one thing I didn’t know was that I was being followed. While climbing up I heard a weird sound. The volcano was erupting. At this very moment. As far as I could see there was chaos – people were running for their lives after panic. I turned round and I faced my partner. His vision seemed blurred and I could see the fear in his eyes. I should have looked the same way, but for some unknown reason, I didn’t. I stared into the glowing mouth of the volcano and the lava flowing down. I realized I had to start running like everybody else, but for a split second I hesitated. Maybe that second would cost my life. The next moment I found myself running down and the lava – on my heels. It was faster than me. At one point I stopped running. “She gave up,” some might say and maybe that was the case. All I felt was peace. Until the very end I pursued my fierce passion. The burning lava was slowly covering my body. I could feel the heat closing in.